"I am a pacifist, however I once fought a monkey. With my hands." Timothy Petraitis, Monkey Fighter.

The smallest footsteps sometimes carry the greatest weight. What emotional torment must a child be in to ask me if I would fight a chimpanzee? Yet that is what U.S. History first period wanted to know. The answer is in fact no, as I have no desire to alienate myself from our ape brethren. However I did once fight a monkey at the mall when I was four. I didn't start it, but it was good practice for the "petting zoo incident" that would follow the next year. Both of these events left me emotionally changed.

I introduced my AP Government class to the concept that we must be willing to fight for what we want (preferably not against monkeys) by forcing them to eliminate their peers in a game of Social Studies Hunger Games. Growing up with few friends, I find it gratifying to watch relationships crumble as children step over each other for a few bonus points. Like tiny intellectual gladiators they were encouraged to take what they wanted by eliminating the intellectuals and forming alliances with less savory classmates. This pleased me. At the end of class I was gifted this life like portrait of myself with one of the founding agitators of our nation, none other than Brutus. I present that picture here and know that the artist took absolutely no artistic license to make it as realistic as possible.